sealab

(no subject)

I am currently going through a "scared of girls" period. Well, I'm always scared of people, and girls especially. BUT...at the moment, I am going through a cycle of writing, erasing, and rewriting dating site profiles, of avoiding messaging people, and messaging them. And for the past few months, I've given up before getting to the first date stage before I bail. I anticipate rejection, and I always come to the conclusion: gonna get rejected? Well I might as well make it happen now before they see just how much a loser I am.

And I'm spoiled by men. I'm hardly anxious at all to get naked and have sex with them. I don't get that thing where I'm so scared that I can't become aroused.
sealab

(no subject)

It's like a fever breaking. Whenever I have the infrequent sensation of wishing so hard for someone to be be with me, as a friend, or lover, all sorts of relationships...then I think about the only real alternative, which is humoring me, or staying with me and suffering. And then I'm grateful that isn't happening. and i calm down.
sealab

(no subject)

Too mellow? Life too boring? Just brew a nice-sized cup of delicious rich Folgers Coffee. Then wait until your anxieties become amplified and your body subtly turns up that fight or flight response. Improve your Saturday night alone in front of the computer by inducing a physiological and psychological state akin to that which occurs during a game of dodgeball.